One of the best characters from the Kilborn-era Late Late Show. This is the only Sebastian clip I have. Hope you enjoy!

Other Sebastian Quotes:

"If my body is my temple, then my genitals are LOITERING!!!"

"When I was young I once found a dirty magazine, and I felt a tingling sensation...NOWHERE!!!"

"Hey limp handshake not tonight, I have a headache."

"My friend's bathroom had 'his' and 'her' bath towels, needless to say I drip-dried."

"I once saw a dog being neutered and I thought you are one lucky, lucky bastard."

"I once spilled scolding hot tea on my lap, at least that's what the waiter told me."

"I don't gamble on sports, because the word 'spread' makes me nervous."

"Personal message to Bob Barker: You got the right idea, just the wrong species."

"I don't care what anybody says, I'll never read Balzac."

"Where do babies come from? Sorry, but I'm playing Parcheesi."

"Who has time for sex when there's so much orange sherbet?"

"At Christmas time, even if I drink too much scotch and find myself singing Jingle Bells, I will never say the line, 'all the way'."

"For me, mistletoe is a no fly zone."

"When I'm alone in my bedroom I handcuff myself to the bed because I don't want any funny stuff."

"Many think of the ocean as a utopia, I see the ocean as a cesspool where fish 'do the nasty'."

"When a woman follows me home and asks to come in I say, 'Let me slip into something more comfortable.' Then I jump into the fireplace and light myself ablaze."

"I once rode a horse bare-backed... let's just say neither of us enjoyed it."

"At age 12 I was about to hit puberty, but it jumped out of the way."

"I never saw the film Ed Wood, because the word 'wood' makes me extremely uncomfortable."

"In high school I was excused from gym class because of a doctor's note that exclaimed, "This boy's groin is a parched wasteland!"

"Sorry I can't give you a ride; I lost the keys to my libido."

"In my opinion, the most erotic film of all time... was TRON."

"Whenever I watch a woman eating a popsicle I think, "Honey, we all know what that's about...refreshment!"

"Instead of genitals, I wish I had a third pinky so that I could hold just one more tea cup."

"I can't stand the sight of my own genitals, so I bathe in balsamic vinegar."

"When I was born the doctor said, "Congratulations, you have... none of the above."

"If the van's a rockin', it's not my van."

"If gender is a gift then I would gladly exchange it for store credit."

"Whenever I get the urge to...touch it, I MACE MYSELF!"

"In regards to the question whether I am a man or woman, the answer is YES."